Absence
creating space for the new
Hello and happy equinox/Naw Ruz/new moon!
As regular readers may have noted, the pattern of these posts is to offer, on the quarter moons, longer essays on the concepts, practices and research that support my DOTS and artmaking practice, and on the new and full moons, a quick round up of thoughts and announcements. Here’s today’s new moon round-up, with some save-the-dates at the end!
Yesterday, I completed a yearly 19 day fast. Amongst the many reflections this time has brought about, one of the most generative for me was absence. In this period, I made a deal with myself. I decided that I would, just for the time of fasting, let go of any rigidity or even familiarity I have with what “being productive” looks and feels like for me.
“Being productive” isn’t a condition that is difficult for me. I don’t find myself needing to bully myself into work or meeting goals. Yet, I am never satisfied. Without having ever really defined the terms or measurement tools for productivity, I somehow always find myself coming up short.
Letting go of this language is part of a larger project of rooting out the weeds that have grown around my creativity, my gut lights. Any body, living in a world structured by a totalizing system that evaluates all human activity (including rest and reflection), all ways of being in time, in terms of measurable output, is a weedy ecosystem of concepts that hinder us from feeling and following those guts lights.
While I may, in fact, feel a little burst of pleasure at my productivity, I know that there are deeper joys available to me when I get a little quieter, a little slower, when I make more room for the unexpected. And, rooting out a system means pulling out all of it, not just the parts that don’t bother me as much, that I, in some short-term sense, benefit from.
Taking a break from this language left me a bit adrift in my conversations with others. How do I talk about my day when I’m not giving a report of work accomplished and work not yet done? And from what else do I derive daily satisfaction? Feeling into that absence has offered me some new conversational directions.
Let me be clear, I’m not saying that I don’t want to create and achieve all that I’m inspired to make. Nor that I don’t need to derive tangible, monetary sustenance from my creative pursuits. Rather I am asking myself the question: what grows in the absence of my preconceptions? How might I feel lit up by my creativity when I am not constantly asking it to clock in and give an account of how it is spending its time?
Now that this period of fasting is over, I am appreciating the deeper sense of gratitude and sacredness that has bloomed in the absence of these productivity assessments. And I am asking myself how, in this season of early awakenings and increasing activity, I might continue to seek out the absences I need to make space for the new.
Save the Dates!
I’ve got two art events coming up in early April, both happening in Red Hook, Brooklyn:
April 7, 6:30-8:00pm: Risen Division presents: The Soils of Sisterhood. This event will celebrate the launch of the book Sister Death, written by Beatrice Marovich with art by me, and will be focused on celebrating the collaborative dynamics of people and forces in our lives. I’ll be showing art, we’ll have a lively and informal Q&A, and a ritual celebration. More details to come in next week’s post! 70 Van Dyke St
Opening April 13, 6:00-9:00pm: Basin Gallery presents: “A Blue Door in Mud Season,” works by Krista Dragomer, Erin Treacy, and Cecil Howell. I’ll be showing some older works and never-before exhibited side projects, including a graphic speculative fiction project that Beatrice and I worked on together many moons ago. Basin also puts on a Sunday Soiree 4/30 4-7pm, and a closing party on 5/18 6-9pm. 344 Van Brunt St
The Drawing on the Senses exercises, posted every Monday, are on the Drawing on the Senses page.